Photo Courtesy Donovan Eckstrom

By Tanner Smith

Rhinoceros Party

Candidate Profile: Donovan Eckstrom (Rhino) – Grande Prairie

Apr 14, 2025 | 1:46 PM

This is a candidate profile for the April 28, 2025 federal election.

All candidates have been asked the same four questions, and were given a 600-word limit.

Responses are unedited for grammar and spelling, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of EverythingGP and Pattison Media.

Advance voting days are April 18, 19, 20 and 21. More info here.

Why are you running to be a Member of Parliament?

1.) Political polarization has, unfortunately, reached a fever pitch in Canada. Folks seem incapable of criticizing their own political parties to the point of irrational absurdity. Let’s not forget that political parties only care about your vote and will say what they can to get elected, despite not following through on most promises. Every political party has its problems that deserve to be rightly mocked. Poilievre’s mid-life crisis transformation to get votes, Carney’s inability to come up with an original promise that wasn’t said by the opposition, Bernier’s beachfront bungalow bonanza while being unable to get a full slate of candidates, literally every single PR move Singh has done with the NDP, etc. It’s dire folks. It’s something I saw back in 2011 when I first ran and it’s a thing that is only getting worse. Just as the jester mocked the king, the Rhino candidate will, duly and befittingly, mock the politicians that continue to pit us against each other to squeeze a single vote out of us.

Why should people vote for you, and what skills do you have that make you suitable for this role?

2.) I ended up getting a 53% in grade 12 French (bilingual), I ran 10 km under an hour (athletic), I can play a mean saxophone like everyone’s favourite politician Bill Cl- wait… scratch that.

I’m also the only candidate with a comprehensive policy on drive-thru etiquette. While my opponents debate trade policy, carbon taxes, and which leader of the Liberals or Conservatives is the most unlikable, I’m focused on the real issue- why are we waiting in rush hour traffic for 45 minutes while the person ahead of us ordered 69 very specific types of Timbits?
This ends with me.
Under my plan, all drive-thrus in northern Alberta will be equipped with federal Drive-Thru Traffic Marshals. These are our local heroes in snowpants with bullhorns to keep the line moving while shaming those who order 20 honey crullers at 6:22 AM.

What will you advocate for; and do you intend to fully toe the party line?

3.) I’ve always believed in the voice of the Peace Country. When I ran in 2011 I made a promise to build the longest tin can telephone across Canada so Ottawa can hear directly from us. Instead of toeing the party line, I intend to tow the line from the can I got from Valhalla Community School in 2011 across this great nation. Soon all of those Ottawa-ian bureaucrats will hear our frustrations from a platform that will be erected at Centre 2000.

How do you believe Canada’s federal government should tackle its current predicament with the United States, and where do you sit on Canadian sovereignty?

4.) I don’t think the biggest fear for Canada is the United States. I think our biggest fear should be Nosferatu! Have you seen that guy? He has a bunch of plague rats around him at all time! He also glides everywhere! Count Orlok is very freaky!